To My Babies as They Sleep: Mama Wants You to Know This

babies as they sleep what mama wants you to know

To My Babies as They Sleep: Mama Wants You to Know This

To my three treasures,

That’s what you are, I hope you know that.

My treasures.

God’s abundantly generous gifts to me. So undeserving of you, I am. And yet here I stand, hands full. Heart full.

As I lie in bed, unable to sleep, my thoughts turn to a familiar place. It’s a place my mind visits almost every night. Me. You. My mothering of you. My attempts.

My non-attempts.

Once again, as the noise and distractions of the day cease and quiet seeps into my soul, all that I lost sight of between eyes opened and eyes closed becomes clear again.

And so I close my eyes and I see.

Here is what I want you to know, what I am desperate for you to know, at the end of this day.

I love you.

As my favorite book of yours says, “I love you most, I love you best. Much much more than all the rest.” My love for you keeps me awake at night. Because not for one nano-second do I want you to wonder otherwise. I love you. I will always love you.

You delight me.

You delight me so much that when you are finally tucked in bed, and I am free to do “my stuff,” at some point I usually end up looking at pictures and videos of you on my phone, grinning like an idiot. Reliving the funny things you did or said. Wondering at how sweet you can be. In all of the world there are no other human beings who give me heart fireworks like you three do.

I’m proud of you.

You three are pretty great, I hope you know that. I see your successes and victories. You can draw a straight line now. You’re getting the hang at coming to me right away when I call . You obeyed the first time with a sweet spirit. You woke up dry. You’re pedaling like a pro. You learned to say “poo-poo” (big brother taught you that one…typical.) These are big deals and I am super proud of you!

I am right here.

You can come to me. With anything. I will (try to) answer your questions…you can ask me anything. I will always help you. I will always forgive you. I will never reject you. I. am. here.

I’m sorry for my mess-ups.

I failed you today. So much and so many times. I sinned against you. I was impatient with your little-ness. I was distracted when all you wanted was for me to listen to your news. It seemed unimportant to me, but it was big for you. I was harsh when you did wrong. I reprimanded you too much and praised you too little. I hurried you along in everything you did, from getting to dressed, to eating meals, to cleaning up, to bath-time. I didn’t slow down and enjoy you like I should have, my sweet little ones. I treated you like a distraction instead of one of my main priorities. I looked past you and I looked through you. I fought with Daddy in front of you. Mama’s sorry, my treasures, I’ve already asked God to forgive me; now I ask you to please forgive me too.

You are my life’s greatest work.

Oh, for eyes to see this and for a heart to burn with focus! For these short years (they don’t feel short, but I know they are) you are what I am here for. I know that I don’t always make you feel like you are my main squeezes, but, my babies…you are. I so often get so caught up with my other pursuits, and I selfishly ignore the reality that I am your mama and you are my little people. God gave you to me, not so that I can dress you cutely and share your Insta-worthy moments (they all are as far as I’m concerned), but for much greater and lasting reasons. You are an eternal soul and I (along with Daddy) am the primary means by which you will come to follow our God. You are a little human whom I need to teach and guide and shape into a worthy big human. I am here as your mama for such a time as this.

So as I lie here typing these words to you on my phone, I am determined to live them out to you every day. I want you to know these things deep in your little hearts.

I love you.

You delight me.

I’m proud of you.

I am right here.

I’m sorry for my mess-ups.

You are my greatest work.

I’m grateful to be your mama. And I’m going to try to be a better one tomorrow.

  sleeping babies what mama wants you to know
April 18, 2017
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